LAU AND NIPPLITA RESCUE KEITH (chapter 4)
by lautiramsumartinaciseneros
Summary: this is just a joke between my friends and i :3c
1. chepeter 1

"Binch i dont freakin think so" yelled a squeaky voice from behind the car. "hand over the boy, Ardyn". Ardyn quickly turned around and almost dropped keith like a sack of sweet potatoe.

"Lau Tira M'su Martina Cisneros...".

"Thats right ardyn and im not alone" the girl whistled and someone riding a chocobo came running at full speed towards the car. ":3c" exclaimed the misterious stranger.

"Who art thou?" questioned the greasy and stinky and gross man (yikes).

The girl flew off the chocobo and introduced herself swaggily.  
"My name is Nipplita (loz this is u) and nipples are my passion (thats how i got my name). I have dark hair with chocobo colored streaks and kawaii mango eyes and a lot of people tell me im way too thirsty for gladio (if u dont know who he is get da hell ot of here). Im a chocohoe (in case u couldnt tell) and im guilty of starting a haiku war once and i DONT REGRET IT. Thats right binch. Oh and I also have a robot daughter so dont piss me off or i will have my daugher roast u on twitter dot com", she and the chocobo put up their middle finger at Ardyn.

Ardyn was shook.

"i dddnint mean to do naythigngn bad i promiss,,, i jsuus wanted to trick thiss boyi i nto doign somehtign evel for me,, i didnd knw it was a bad thign im sorryy,,,,," he said. Then Ardyn took a step back, "i...i...". "U let the emo to extremo boy go this instant Ardyn or u will face the consequences".

Ardyn was clearly distressed and looked like he was about to kermit. Lau didnt wasyte this opportunity and started running sexily towards the two men. She roundhouse kicked the gross man in his ugly, gross face and proceeded to kinkshame him while Nipplita caught Keith before his lucious buttocks could touch the ground. The old geezer gasped.

Just now Lau noticed the way he was dressed. He was wearing an emo cape with silly ass feathers attached to it (what a freakin loser) and under the cape he was wearing a corset with the word "yee-haw" printed on the front. He was also wearing jorts with black fishnets and cowboy boots. But there was one thing that was worse than all of this and that was making Lau and Nipplita shiver in disgust: his fedora.

He was a meninist, no doubt.

"u fuckign fedora tipping son of a fucc get out of here" Lau roared, "AND GO GET A HAIRCUT BCOS UR HAIR LOOKS LIKE DIRTY ALGAE U EMO FUCC" Nipplita added.

"I am outnumbered here i suppose i should leave, dont think uve seen the last of me, see u later m'binches" and then...he vanished luigi.


	2. chaperet 2

CHAPTERER V

Ardyn threw a smoke bomb to the ground and by the time the gas disappeared Ardyn had already naruto run too far. "Did he..." began Nipplita. She looked at Lau, who blinked at her exactly 4,5 times. Nipplita opened her mouth again.

"Did he...just leave his ugly ass country boy truck here?"

"Ye"

Lau looked at Ardyin naruto running away at full speed in the distance, his feathery cape going woosh woosh because of the wind. She could hear the sound of his stiletto cowboy boots click clacking on the ground. He probably wasnt even a real country fan. He probably couldnt even name 5 of billy ray cyrus' cds. WHat a fucking poser ass binch.

Suddenly lau opened her eyes (she had forgotten to reopen them when she blinked). She looked shook as hell.

"Nipplita...do u have a driving license?" lau nyad.

"Binch i might" Nipplita yodeled

"thats good enough, give me the sleeping beauty and ill go dump him in the back" Lau whispered.

Nipplita threw keith at lau and she caught him! Nipplita clapped because that was a really good catch. Nipplita got iunside the run-down truck and lau put keith in the back together with a big ball of hay. "wow" lau thought "Ardyn's trying really hard to achieve that slutty cowboy look"

Before she left she looked at Keith who was sleeping and snoring sexily a little bit ttoo. Lau's heart went all doki doki except not because this isn't anime u freakin weeb, hearts don't sound like that.

Meanwhile Nipplita started exploring the inside of the truck. There was a picture of a cow with a flirty look in her eyes and a small note attached to it that said "nothing could ever / heal my achy breaky heart / rip my milk bae". The last line didnt have enough sillables, this binch ass loser couldnt even write a haiku properly. We already knew he was a meninist and now Nipplita knew he was a furry too. Suddenly she had a vision kinda like Raven from thats so raven except her eyes rolled back had u could see only see her white part of the eye kinda like the white part of the egg when u boil it. She saw his ugly cape floating in the wind: it had feathers at the end of it. After Nipplita's chocobo had put up his middle finger at Ardyn he had run away while yodeling in fear. OF COURSE! It all made sense now. Those were chocobo feathers. "They're from one of his exes" Nipplita exclaimed. Now she had a lot of information about Ardyn. She nyad happily.

There was also a fedora shaped picture frame and inside it was a picture of Ardyn's gross meninist mug collection. "EW U FUCKING FEDORA TIPPING YIFF LOVER ARE U GROSS OR WHAT!". She looked inside a drawer that had a heart on it and she found the most disgusting thing she had ever seen. There was a small shrine dedicated to what Nipplita assumed was his favourite meninist mug. The mug was there and there was a picture of Ardyn smoking cigarettes and drugs and A Weed while he was holding the demonic mug. It was a white mug with a picture of the sexy and thicc version of one of the characters from "my little chocobo: friendiship is magic" and on the front in all capital letters was "FEMINIST TEARS". Nipplita trew up a little bit in her mouth and immediately grabbed her gun. She opened the window on the driver's side

"Cisneros san get ur ass over here" Nipplita said from inside the car and lau came running.

Nipplita gave lau the gun and the mug and ":3c"ed.

Lau looked into the mug's eyes and saw a drop of sweat fall from its forehead. She knew immediately what she had to do

"pull the trigger piglet" Nipplita screamed

And lau murdered the mug sexily.

The mug was now dead, Lau thought about giving it a proper burial, but then she thought that some enemies (like that disgusting mug) don't deserve that privilege.

"get in loser we're going shopping" Nipplita screeched wisely

"really? thats sugoi, im so arigatouful"

"syke! we're gotta find robot arm daddy"

":(" lau yelled.

Nipplita started the engine.


End file.
